I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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