Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
