She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
