I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
