Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
