I'm lost and stupid without you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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