is your mom at the bar?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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