White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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