apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
