Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
