omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
