Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
