I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize