Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
