I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
