i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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