So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
