Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She announced her abortion via fbk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Come on in and take your pants off
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