I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.