I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My ass is underappreciated
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.