Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

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  (770): Tell her she's as useless as a condom. http://tfl.nu/5gza
  Replies (37) Good night (1166) Bad night (2598)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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  (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n
  Replies (29) Good night (12996) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

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  (785): The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart. http://tfl.nu/xj2p
  Replies (41) Good night (6348) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.

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  (360): I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels. http://tfl.nu/pla2
  Replies (12) Good night (5949) Bad night (1390)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?

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  (503): What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you? http://tfl.nu/o1lb
  Replies (27) Good night (1291) Bad night (5619)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

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  (807): I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick http://tfl.nu/2mmx
  Replies (6) Good night (3767) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.

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  (760): She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle. http://tfl.nu/ihsx
  Replies (4) Good night (2778) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!

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  (920): YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN! http://tfl.nu/7v2u
  Replies (22) Good night (1520) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."

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  (570): Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could." http://tfl.nu/hbr4
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.

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  (512): Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail. http://tfl.nu/3erx
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow

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  (612): I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow http://tfl.nu/y8rx
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

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  (423): You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it http://tfl.nu/t4qq
  Replies (0) Good night (404) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's rum buckets o'clock

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  (815): It's rum buckets o'clock http://tfl.nu/iem5
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.

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  (956): Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem. http://tfl.nu/gidb
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (102)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back

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  (815): Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back http://tfl.nu/7smf
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (70)

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