you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
