Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
