VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
