I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
