I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I love you.
Bad choice
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