Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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