Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
