but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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