When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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