You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings