I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!