i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos