then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED