I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.