the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize