if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
