I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
