I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
