Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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