I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
