Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
