I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize