marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
