Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
