The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
