Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
