PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
