My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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