You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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