he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
