Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
