I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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