I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
