I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
