i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
