im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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