I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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