he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
