There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
