I heard we made out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this boner is exhausting
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
