Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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