But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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