You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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