btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
