It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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