the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
