I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Small penises have feelings too.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
