...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
there is glitter all over my balls
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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