I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
