how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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