I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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