i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
