Banned from zoo.
Again?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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