My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
