In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
