I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize