so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
