I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
