I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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